


Espionage Persons

by CatrinaSL



Series: Three Things [74]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: A memory stick full of priceless and irreplaceable data, A police mug shot (of Darcy), A sad pile of scrap metal that was recently a very expensive vehicle, Car Accidents, Driving, Espionage, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Girls Kissing, Kissing, SHIP DARCY LEWIS WITH ALL THE THINGS, Suggestive Themes, Three Things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-03-11 09:09:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13521087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatrinaSL/pseuds/CatrinaSL
Summary: Natasha needs a little help getting information out of a mark, so Darcy steps up. But she didn't mean to help quite likethat...





	Espionage Persons

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aleph (Immatrael)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Immatrael/gifts).



> Aleph (Immatrael) prompted A police mug shot (of Darcy), A sad pile of scrap metal that was recently a very expensive vehicle, A memory stick full of priceless and irreplaceable data.
> 
> Many thanks to bulmavegotaku for their beta work!

"Why can't we distract him with sex?" Clint asked.

Tony gasped and covered Steve's ears, and Darcy grinned and shook her head at Steve's attempts to shrug him off.

"Nat's been seeing the guy every night for like two weeks, you think she hasn't tried?" she said. "Apparently he's not only incredibly careful about who gets _in_ his apartment, but also whether they get left alone there. She's been close to getting the intel twice, but it was either grab the flash drive and jump out the window or keep her cover."

"Nat knows what she's doing," Steve agreed, shoving Tony out of his chair.

"What if we sent Darcy in to get the intel while Nat's distracting him?" Tony put in from the floor.

"That's actually not a bad idea," Clint said. "Nat can lift the access card to his place. We send you in, she slips it to you, and while they're downstairs mingling, you get the goods."

Darcy frowned. "Me? Doing sneaky people stuff?"

"You'll be okay, Darce," Tony's voice assured her. "We believe in you."

* * *

"He's smiling at me. Why is he smiling at me?"

"Because you're gorgeous, Darce. Don't sweat it. He's a playboy. He checks everyone out."

"But Natasha's wearing a backless dress, which is absolutely uncalled for. How am I supposed to get any work done?"

"Now's not the time for your crush."

"She started it. I don't get what's so interesting about me. The most I did was put lip gloss on. What is this guy's _deal_?"

"Maybe he likes your hot librarian vibe."

"He's coming over, what do I do, what do I do?!"

"Smile at him, Darcy."

"This was not the plan," Darcy replied through a false smile.

"You ever hear the expression, 'no plan survives contact with the enemy?'"

"Super not helpful, Clint," Darcy hissed as the mark approached.

"Hi," he said. "Come here often?"

"Obviously not, or I'd know how to act when someone like you walks up and starts talking to me," Darcy told him.

And he laughed.

* * *

"Nat, what do we do?" Darcy asked as soon as he was out of earshot.

"Well, first, get Clint out of your head," Natasha said, crowding a little closer to Darcy in the booth.

Darcy could hear Clint protesting through the comm, but she didn't resist when Natasha reached into her ear and tugged it out, tossing it onto the tray of a passing waitress.

"I'm assuming they sent you to break into his place while he and I are down here?"

Darcy nodded.

"Well, he just had an optical scanner put in this morning, so you won't be getting in without him."

Darcy let out a long breath. "What should we do, then?"

"This," Natasha said, and kissed her.

* * *

Darcy was _so_ on board with field work. Field work was the best. She would volunteer for field work every day of her life if it involved making out with Natasha Romanoff in a goddamn _backless dress_.

"Just a moment, ladies," the mark said, as Natasha pressed Darcy against the door. "Let me get us inside."

Natasha swiped her tongue across Darcy's bottom lip, and Darcy moaned.

The mark swore and sped up the unlocking process.

When the door opened, Darcy and Natasha stumbled backward into the apartment, still joined at the lips. For a few moments, Darcy thought she'd be able to pull it off. She could ignore the fact that there was a dude in the room to get with Natasha.

But then the guy was right there, kissing Natasha's neck, and Darcy's stomach turned at the idea of him doing that to _her_. Natasha didn’t care about a person’s gender, but Darcy was one hundred percent ladies only.

"I'm gonna..." She gestured vaguely in a random direction as she watched Natasha turn to continue playing her part.

Darcy headed for the bathroom to throw up.

The bathroom was ridiculously huge. Darcy spared a moment to wonder why bad guys always had amazing living spaces and then gave herself the answer: _because they’re bad guys_ _._ She took a deep breath and managed not to hurl, but realized that now that she was away from the mark, and he was distracted...

Darcy peeked around the corner of the doorway. Down the hall, Natasha was laughing, she and the guy doing a slow dance while they kissed. Darcy sneaked across the hall and into his office.

It only took thirty seconds.

"You okay?" Nat asked when Darcy reappeared. Darcy nodded decisively, and for a split second, Nat's eyes widened in understanding. "Know what we should do?"

"Mmhm," the mark hummed, leaning in to kiss Natasha again.

But Natasha leaned away again. "We can do that later," she said, managing to make the idea of putting off a hot threesome alluring. " _I_ want to go for a drive." She turned to Darcy. "His car is _so_ sexy."

"Cars make me hot," Darcy said, with as much of a 'straight girl' vibe as she could manage.

The mark looked between them, unsure. Natasha let go of him and slinked over to Darcy, wrapping her arms around Darcy's waist and whispering across her cheek: "Take us for a ride."

"...I'll get my keys."

* * *

"Would you mind—slowing down?" the mark gasped, clutching the dashboard as Darcy pushed his unnecessarily expensive mid-life crisis over 100 down the straightaway.

"What's the point of having a car like this if you don't drive fast?" Darcy asked, pressing the accelerator down until he squeaked and scrunched his eyes shut.

A peal of laughter from Natasha was cut off as she gasped.

Darcy saw it a split second later, swore, and slammed on the brakes—the car spun, and the passing truck barely scraped along the back of the mark’s ridiculously fancy car. Anything more would have sent them flying instead of merely jolting them; Darcy pressed more slowly on the brakes and brought them to a frightened stop on the side of the road.

"What are you doing?" Natasha asked, as the mark tumbled out the passenger's side door and into the ditch.

"Is he okay?" Darcy asked.

"I... can't believe... I let you talk me into letting her drive!" he shouted.

"Doesn't look like it," Natasha muttered to Darcy.

"Look at this!" the mark yelled, dragging himself up the incline to point at the trunk of the car.

"Don't worry, _we're_ okay," Darcy said with a roll of her eyes.

"Oh no," Natasha said, peeking over the back seat to see what he was gesticulating at. "It's damaged."

"But _we're all fine_ ," Darcy repeated.

The mark pulled out his phone. "I'm calling the police," he informed them.

"What for?" Natasha asked. "That truck was going too fast for me to even remember what it looked like."

Darcy knew _that_ was a lie—Nat had probably gotten the license plate number and a good look at the driver.

" _Someone_ has to take responsibility for this," the mark said, with a glare at Darcy.

"For what, saving our lives?" Darcy asked.

"This!" he shouted, pointing his phone at the trunk as he dialed. "This sad pile of scrap metal that was recently a very expensive vehicle!"

"But—" Darcy began.

The mark glared her into silence and then turned his attention to the 911 operator. "Yes, I'd like to report a _crime_."

* * *

"All right, Clint, that's enough," Steve sighed.

"Maybe it would help if we took the picture down?" Darcy suggested, waving a hand at her mug shot, which was projected onto the wall of the briefing room.

"But it's funny!" Tony objected.

Darcy and Steve exchanged longsuffering looks. "Get on with it, then," she said, aiming a kick at Clint's incessant, under-table giggling.

"Nat uploaded the data after your... arrest," Steve began, the statement drawing renewed giggling from Clint and some from Tony, too. "We're still working on it, but if you hadn't slipped the flash drive to her before you were taken into custody, this whole mission would have been for nothing. So... good job."

"When will she be done playing 'dutiful girlfriend,' then?" Darcy asked.

"Right about now," came a reply from the doorway.

Natasha stood there— _not_ in a backless dress, much to Darcy's chagrin—and she eyed Steve. Clint shut up and Tony manhandled his 3D interface to project some boring statistics on the wall instead of Darcy's mug shot.

"I was... just wrapping up," Steve told her.

"Now?" Natasha asked.

"That works," Clint agreed, scrambling out from under the table. Natasha gave him a glare as he scooted out the door.

"I'm just gonna..." Tony said, and wandered out as nonchalantly as possible. Natasha paid him no attention, which he seemed to be grateful for.

"It's good to have you back," Steve began. "We—"

"Steve," Natasha interrupted. "Go."

"Yeah," Steve agreed. While he gathered up his papers and skedaddled, Natasha turned her attention to Darcy.

"Am... I gonna get yelled at, now?" Darcy wondered.

Natasha laughed. "No, I already did my scolding. Both the team and Mark. They never should have sent you in; it was too dangerous. You saved the mission, but you shouldn't have had to."

Darcy was torn between questions. "Wait, the mark's name was _actually_ 'Mark?'"

Natasha nodded. "What, you don't think it rolls off the tongue? 'Mark the Hydra Money Launderer?'"

"I really saved the mission?" Darcy asked next.

"You did," Natasha said. "I was getting impatient; if you hadn't shown up I was going to have to do something drastic. But you provided the perfect distraction, not to mention the perfect reason to dump him."

"You dumped him?"

Natasha smiled. "I said if he'd known you for an hour and he'd had you  _arrested_ , what was he going to do to me if we ever broke up? He shouted for a while about you totaling his car—which he's been doing for days, by the way—and then I started crying, told him he'd totaled my heart, and got out of there. Our source at the bar says he's been there drinking since."

"Nice!" Darcy said, her heart skipping a beat as Natasha slid into the chair next to her.

"I did notice," Natasha began, looking up at Darcy through her eyelashes. "That you were very convincing."

"Yeah, well," Darcy said nervously. "I didn't score the part of Cassandra's understudy in my 9th grade drama club's performance of _Agamemnon_ for nothing!"

"Except..." Natasha continued, "whenever you had to act like you were interested in Mark. It's a good thing he was distracted by the girl on girl action."

"That's all I was there for, to be honest," Darcy said with a laugh, then added belatedly, "And the mission."

"Of course," Natasha agreed. "But now that the mission is over, maybe we should get a drink."

"A drink?" Darcy repeated.

"Sure," Natasha replied.

"Like just a friendly drink, like, 'congratulations on still being in possession of your life, fellow espionage person?'"

"'Espionage person,' that's definitely what we call each other," Natasha put in.

"Or, like... a date?"

Natasha smiled and leaned in to kiss Darcy's cheek. "I think you can figure it out," she said.

"I'm free _now_ ," Darcy told her.

"Me too," Natasha said, her eyes on Darcy's lips.

"So did you _actually_ want to get a _drink_ , or...?" Darcy asked as Nat leaned closer again.

"Maybe later."

They _did_ get a drink.

But it was _much_ later.

**Author's Note:**

> What kind of car do you think Darcy "totaled"?
> 
> [Prompt a Three Things fic!](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSf7S2MbkK0CxVHMG3kF8CD6fYqD0zwY-J6MqLb21nmFyRpE4w/viewform)
> 
> [Reblog on tumblr](http://catrinasl.tumblr.com/post/170291095598/espionage-persons)
> 
> Tumblr: [catrinasl](http://catrinasl.tumblr.com)
> 
> Twitter: [@Catrina_SL](http://twitter.com/Catrina_SL)


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